I have a confession to make. I am a big scaredy cat. I fear catapulting 35,000 feet above the earth, wedged together with 100 complete strangers. I fear Deep oceans where creatures lurk and toes can’t touch. And roller coasters, where I entrust my whole life to mechanics I don’t understand and a 16 year old proffering a thumbs up upon farewell. But even more, I fear cancer menacingly creeping through my cells, and the thought of burying a child while I am left barely breathing in this land of the living.
Even with 365 Biblical commands to not fear, still, I fear. Put your faith over your fears, they tell me. This will really stick it to those rotten feelings. Yes! Yes, I declare. So I say Bible verses when my plane rattles in stormy turbulence, and I pray my heart out when the Doctor biopsies a lump, and a million times over I remind my kid behind the driver’s wheel that they carry my most precious packages, attempting to win some control over a situation in which I have clearly lost.
But still, I am afraid. And I wonder if you are being honest, you would say the same; that fear is a monster you cannot subdue no matter how hard you try. Like a child struggling to lift a heavy weight, I find that when I try to muscle up faith, I often fail. Unable to hoist my faith above my fear I feel adrift in defeat.
Recently I had an experience that changed the way I view the phrase faith over fear. As you already heard, I am a white-knuckled, sweaty palmed, heart racing hot mess of an airline passenger. When our plane hits bumpy air I mentally start saying my goodbyes. It reminds me of the terrified disciples in a storm battered boat. Remember the Bible story of their swamped boat pitching in the wind and rain? To them it seemed the next furious wave carried certain death, so they woke up Jesus crying, “We’re going to die!!” Goodness, I understand the sentiment!
However, and this is shocking, put me in an Air Force plane and I have none of those fear-ridden feelings. Quite the opposite, I love soaring the skies in an Air Force plane.
A few weeks ago Ben and I flew home from DC in a C-130. After we took off from Andrews AFB I went to the cockpit to thank to the pilots and take in the beauty. As I clamored down from the cockpit, the reason why I hold no fear flying 35,000 feet in an Air Force plane struck me like a 2×4.
It’s because I intimately know an Air Force Pilot.
During my husband’s pilot training I would spend the night reading while he sat facing a paper instrument panel taped to the wall and chair flew. On trips I rode shotgun and tested him on emergency procedures for an upcoming Boldface. I overheard him memorize checklists, and study his knowledge for tests, and prepare for check rides. I’ve also kissed him goodbye countless times on his way out the door for combat deployments.
See? I trust Air Force Pilots because I know my Air Force Pilot.
The same goes for God.
On the one hand we can try harder. Chastise ourselves for being afraid. Muscle up strong faith to defeat our fears. But what I recently learned is the way to stronger faith is to dig deeper wells; wells of intimacy with the Trinity. If you have helped your children dig a hole to China on the beach, then you know digging grows muscles, and muscles make you stronger. (And you also know that your kids quit well before you reach China, or even water for that matter.)
Now I want you to think of one close relationship you have on earth: your husband, sister, best friend, mom. Take a minute and remember how you all developed intimacy. You shared secrets, right? Belly laughed until tears wet the corners of your eyes. Held each other close and cried in the dark nights of your soul. Offered forkfuls of chicken curry off your dinner plate, and shared cup of coffee not caring if your lips touched the cup in the same place. Really, digging wells of intimacy isn’t complex.
So what difference would it make if you dug deeper? Deeper into His Word, in honest conversation during prayer, in remembering your companion in the Holy Spirit. Going back to the disciples swamped by waves, do you recall what they wondered after Jesus quieted the storm? “What kind of man is this?”
That is a good question! Let me challenge you that as you read and study and pray, to keep asking the same one. I believe a deep well is the only way to strong faith, because you only truly trust what you intimately know.
(For more, listen to Bold Mercies‘ Episode, The Tenacity of Trust. Click here.
How To Turn Mental Defeat Into Victory
Something in here for everyone! And when we know that One intimately, we are able to hand Him our fears and leave them there…usually. Then there are the times when we have to go back to the beginning and process it all over again, and figure out why we are struggling with so much. And then we can discover a new reality about God that we have never seen before. Over and over and over again!
This is so true and so well said from a wise women of the faith. Thank you!!
Headed to a memorial service tomorrow – for my friend’s three year old daughter. As she was slipping away last week, I kept thinking, “dig a deeper well.” Very thankful for you and your gift, Heather.
Amy, I”m so sorry to hear about your friend and her family loosing their baby girl. Heart wrenching! May the God of all comfort be their all in all!